Clipping Maya's Nails

Yes, I am blogging about my dog's toenails. I figured it was best to get it out of the way early. Also, I have a vision of this blog that includes no readership. Ever.

Here's the chronology. Early on, I started playing with Maya's feet. By early, I mean probably the first week we had her home. I usually picked times when we were relaxing together on the couch, and she was terribly polite about it.

Eventually, a clipping was in order, so I bought a set of guillotine clippers, read a bunch of articles online about doggy nail grooming, and set to.

All the articles said to clip small pieces and continue until I could see a lighter color oval within the nail cross-section. Then stop, because you don't want to hit the quick (the soft part inside the nail containing blood vessels and nerve endings). So this is what I did. Only it turns out that you can do this just a little too vigorously and on about the sixteenth nail I must have hit a sensitive spot. No blood or anything, just a little twitch on Maya's part.

This is how Maya works: 100,000,000,000 positive experiences might outweigh one negative experience. But 15 sure don't. Fifteen times in a row I cut her nails without incident, but the sixteenth it hurt a little. Therefore, nobody should touch her nails again.

Ever.

Since then, I've been playing with her feet a lot. She eyes me with full awareness of my intentions. "I see you playing with my feet. Touch the nail clippers and I'm out of here." I've tried touching her feet and then giving her a treat ("Oh good, I get a treat as soon as you let go of my feet"). I've tried touching her feet and giving her a treat at the same time, which works right up until one hand needs to also hold the clippers. I've even tried holding the foot in one hand, the clippers in the other, and putting the treat in my mouth for timely delivery.

Important note: Maya does not believe in taking treats from my mouth. As I understand things, this is terribly species-appropriate of her. From her point of view, putting a treat in my mouth is equivalent to putting a giant sign on the treat that says "MINE! DO NOT TOUCH." Imagine I then try to put my face near hers and spit the treat neatly into her mouth. Not only is this a "don't try this at home" maneuver (I can imagine a dog who would react very badly indeed), Maya finds it terrifically worrying. She treats it like an elaborate exercise in extreme politeness, and leaves. Politely.

I only have two hands, and the treat can't be held in my mouth. Neither can the clippers or her foot, obviously. Actually, Maya would probably love it if I put her foot in my mouth -- how terrifically playful of me! -- but not if nail clippers were still involved.

Our temporary solution is to introduce a second pair of hands. One of us holds a bowl with peanut butter smeared around the sides, so that Maya is both distracted and rewarded. One of us (me) hastily chops at Maya's toenails. It is not elegant, nor does it produce beautiful nails, but at least it prevents her from having claws like Wolverine's.

Anyway, if you noticed Maya's super-long nails in the picture below, it's because we're low on peanut butter. See, everything has an explanation!